“Why my girls are getting estate documents for Christmas” by Phil Daniels
This fall my wife and I sent our youngest daughter off to college. We went through the same process with her older sister two years ago, so we knew the drill. Or at least we thought we did.
We dutifully checked off the items on the “must-have” list provided by her university and the countless items on my daughter’s list that somehow were left off the college’s. We had the extra-long sheets, color-coordinated comforter, and decorative pillows, and after multiple visits to Target and Bed Bath & Beyond we had every conceivable storage container. We even squeezed in some actual school supplies.
Despite our months of planning and detailed lists, it wasn’t until she was weeks into school that we realized a critical item had been overlooked. We failed to have our attorney prepare estate documents for our daughter.
As a wealth manager, I know the importance of planning and being prepared. But in the chaos of moving my daughters hundreds of miles away to go to school, I never stopped to think about legal documents that we would desperately wish we had if they were needed. While I’m not an attorney, I knew that we should have both Medical Directives and Powers of Attorney for each of our girls. But we didn’t. Given that our oldest daughter is now a junior, you could say this is a case of the cobbler’s kids having no shoes.
Our family attorney confirmed the documents the girls would need, explaining how each would help in different situations:
- The Medical Directive (also called a living will, an advanced directive, or other similar names) provides direction to doctors and other medical professionals about the health care you want and don’t want in case you’re unable to tell them. It includes your preferences for resuscitation, quality of life issues, and end of life treatments. This is the document where Do Not Resuscitate Orders (DNR) can be added.
- Medical Directives cover a variety of circumstances, but issues can come up that aren’t specifically addressed in the document. Therefore, our daughters also have a Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare that defines who should make medical decisions on their behalf if they are unable. This gives my wife and me peace of mind that if something happens to our girls while they are away at school, or anywhere else, we’ll be able to speak for them if they are unable to speak for themselves. That used to be part of our role as parents. It was a given. But now that they are adults, the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act(HIPAA) protects the confidentiality of their medical information, making it difficult for us to get information or make decisions on their behalf without this document.
- The other document our attorney recommended was a Durable Financial Power of Attorney. This document allows someone to manage another person’s financial affairs if they are unable. It grants the named individual the legal authority to act on your behalf for financial issues. If something were to happen to either of my girls, I can deal with their bank and other financial institutions, pay their bills, and handle a wide variety of other financial issues. While I hope it will never be needed, it will be an incredibly valuable document if it is.
These are important documents to have, and if your children are 18 years old or older (in most states the age of majority) they should probably have them too. Our family attorney has recommended that we refresh our documents about every five years or so to avoid problems when the documents are needed.
It was really very simple. I called our estate attorney, got each of the girls to email him and then to sign formal engagement letters (because now that they are adults dad can’t do such things for them anymore). They answered the attorney’s questions about each of their desires, and they will review and execute their documents while they are home on break.
An unexpected benefit was the opportunity it gave my wife and I to describe our own end-of-life wishes – a conversation that many families find difficult to initiate. The decisions we made for our documents, along with guidance from their attorney, helped the girls make their own decisions. They also took some comfort in knowing that they can revise their documents later if they change their minds after giving it more thought.
So that’s the story of why my girls are getting estate documents for Christmas. The cobbler’s kids will finally have some shoes.
Merry Christmas, girls.